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Aww, the demo isn't free anymore? Damn.

It's not a demo. This is the full release :)

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The demo was good narratively. I only saw a few words that were wrong in the script (I'll go back through & compile the ones I saw). The only "broken" issue was a message that popped up saying BKG asset couldn't be found. It happens for the dinner after you meet all the girls. It's all black screen during that section. The next background is when you go to your bedroom. 

Besides that, I only have suggestions: I think readability would be improved if characters had colors for their text. Also, I think the PC should have a label to indicate their conversation; it isn't immediately clear they are talking, especially at the beginning. I think a subtle prompt to indicate to the player that the dialogue is ready to continue could help fluidity. You did really well showing the personalities of the cast in such a short amount of time. It shows that they have different temperaments & motivations & moods without feeling cliché - I WANT to get to know them more. I LOVE the art. The girls convey strength & beauty, & the backgrounds/character models are crisp, vibrant, & clean. 

Overall, you've done an outstanding job, & I'm excited for more.